1/23/2025; today fucking sucked. im so angry today i dont know why. i was supposed to go to the store after work to get some fucking snacks for myself to eat since theres barely shit in this house but of course myh dad came fucking early. i went outside to clean the windows and i was gonna smoke but of course my dad and sister were there, and she fucking laughed at me i hate when people laugh at me. so that just made me even more pissed, and my head hurts like a bitch. ive also been sperging out over danganronpa again.. i feel like a middle schooler. thats really all for today , nothing new.
1/22/2025; i lowkey miss my ex girlfriend, i just miss having a gf, made me feel manly LOLL. but yesterday was another shitty lonely day. work was boring, i worked with maddie, which is some girl that goes to my school. shes kind of annoying. i hate working because all the customers call me fucking "maam" i dont even look like a fucking girl???? it pisses me off every fucking time. i wanna bash their heads in anytime i hear that word. fucking fat retards, i hate them all. i have work again today at 4, its almost 2. today is one of those days where i just wake up and wish i was dead, which is alot of days but today is bad. i sound so stupid, but idk. im probably gonna get kicked out soon, i know i am. its whatever, ill write more whenever im off work. update; just got off work, today was normal, i threw up alot but it was normal. my dads being quiet again, hes still mad at me. my nana also called today while i was working, just to check on me and whatnot. she said she wanted to hangout on my day off, which is probably lingo for a retarded lecture. everything is fucking bullshit.. FML....... i shouldve kmsd forever ago. someone just told me i was sick and i needed to seek god. god freaks me out sometimes, i know he hates me. even if hes real or not, theres no saving me. ill burn in hell either way. maybe there is something wrongwith me? i dont know.. i go to the psychiatrist, i try to be normal, act like everyone else, i remember to take my fucking meds why am i not normal? nothing fucking matters anyway.. we all die in the end.
1/21/2025 (again); i woke up about 30 mins ago, i already feel like shit. i havent taken my meds yet, and i have work today. yesterday was my day off and i wanted to have the whole day to myself, but of course my dad and sister come home early, and i woke up at 1pm. i used to write in my journal, like on paper but i gave up.. i might put some of my enteries on here though, if i can even read my own handwriting LOLOL. one thing i think about alot is love, how i hate it , it makes me sick. i dont understand it, people say its the best thing on earth but it just makes me sick. ive had a new relationships, but i ruined them all, and i have no guilt, hell even 2 of them they came back to me crying about how much they missed me, it makes me feel good. important, like god or something LOL, i sound stupid.. but idc i love when people feel so shitty and its all my fault, it feels so good. i turn 18 in almost 2 months.. its fucking horrid. in my other journal i had all these plans to kms, how id be dead before december but im still here. im just a pussy i guess. my dad just threatened to kick me out LOL... over nothing , all bc he thinks im lying about smoking in my room when i deadass didnt. he told me if i didnt follow the rules ill need to find somewhere else to stay. whatever, i dont care. i dont fucking care.
update; saving here 4 later;
robbie hawkins VM
1/21/2025; ever since i graduated early ive felt like shit. i dont know what it is.. probably just growing up IG someyimes i forget to take my pills, i get all shaky and retarded. ive also been hardcore paranoid lately, seeing things and shit... LOLOLOL.
